My First Holiday Wish

That a law be passed to do the following:

1. Outlaw the playing of "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" in any form other than as part of a performance of The Nutcracker in its entirety, and especially for use in commercials for over-chromed and ugly gas-guzzling cars.
2. Provide penalties for violating the first of having over-ear headphones attached to an iPod stuck on "Repeat Track" of the same taped to one's head for no less than ninety days.
3. Establish leniency in sentencing for those who inflict damage and distress upon inanimate, soulless objects that perpetrate such criminal behavior, including radios, televisions, cell phones, and advertising executives.