Saturday, July 30, 2005

"P" is for "Parthenogenesis"

I have finally figured it out.

I have finally unraveled one of the greatest mysteries of the universe.

I have finally determined the underlying logic (if it can be called that) of why gay rights and abortion rights are inextricably linked.

This eureka moment came about as a result of a conversation over on GayPatriot, where GayPatriot himself discussed a current flap taking place in Massachusetts in regards to the wording on birth certificates for the children of same-sex couples. As it seems, the designations "Mother" and "Father" are insufficient for gay "activists", who want the state to change certificates to read "Parent A" and "Parent B".

When I opined that I could not see why gay parents did not put the name of the biological parents on the certificate, then file to have it amended later along with an attached declaration of non-paternity, I was told:

NDT, I don't understand your desire to see government impose itself in this way on the parents of a child.

At first that threw me for a loop. As I see it, what I advocated is following exactly the same process as is required when a married woman bears a child whose father is not her husband. As someone who grew up in a town where most of his friends did not have the same last name as the parents with which they lived, I am well-aware of the fact that marrying a person does not give you automatic custody of their biological children. Invariably, to change names or amend birth certificates away from the biological parents, additional documentation is required -- adoption paperwork, certificates of non-paternity, and the like.

Then, in a flash, I realized....since it is "government imposing" for same-sex couples having to do so, but not for heterosexual couples with a child that is biologically not both of theirs, same-sex couples are able to bear children that biologically belong to both of them!

My mind reeled.

Suddenly I understood why lesbian Ellen Malcom founded EMILY'S List to support pro-choice candidates -- because she was concerned about access to abortion for people engaging in same-sex intercourse!

I realized why Chris Crain, editor of the Washington Blade, argued in a recent editorial on which I commented, "...abortion is essentially a gay-rights issue" -- he was concerned that he and his boyfriend would not be able to end an unplanned pregnancy!

Most importantly, I understood once and for all why the first reason HRC gave for opposing Bush Supreme Court nominee John Roberts was that he would undermine the right to choose abortion!

I sobbed as I slowly realized how I had been lied to and deprived in my education.....that the vast right-wing conspiracy had so infiltrated both the public university and private school system that I had grown up being taught that it takes two people of opposite sex to have a baby. I couldn't believe that I had lived my entire life ignorant of the fact that men and women were the same biologically.

Fortunately, I was informed in time....and now, so are you. Be sure to tell everyone. Swarm the Massachusetts State House and the governor's mansion, demanding that they remove the insult of a man, fresh off nine months of pregnancy and twenty-two hours of labor, being forced to sign as "Mother", or the dyke who successfully impregnated her wife without any men and is damn proud of the fact having to be "Father".

Meanwhile, I'm off to Kroger for a pint of strawberry ice cream, a jar of pickles, and a bag of Doritos. Jeez, ever since last weekend, I've been nauseated one minute and starving the next.....

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