A Primer On Bayside Politics

For those new to San Francisco, the city's political operation can be, to say the least, confusing.

It can be easily sorted out, though, based on the application of these two simple rules:

1) Make decisions based on who will respond, not who or what will benefit.

2) There is no group that cannot be bought with a meaningless and empty gesture.


For example:

Falun Gong members are raising protest and lawsuits against their exclusion from the San Francisco Chinese New Year parade last year.

To counter this, Supervisor Chris Daly introduced a resolution to the Board of Supervisors in support of Falun Gong.

However, this outraged San Francisco gays, who consider Falun Gong to be a homophobic cult.

The solution? Introduce a resolution calling for Bush's impeachment shortly thereafter (which passed yesterday).

See? Piss off one group with one meaningless gesture, throw them a bone the week later.


Now, for your homework problem:

You are Gavin Newsom, mayor of San Francisco, a city in which glbts, according to estimates, comprise nearly 25% of the population and wield enormous political and economic power. You have been cavorting of late with gorgeous actress Sofia Milos of CSI: Miami.

However, Milos, besides being beautiful, is also an avowed and confirmed Scientologist -- that is, a follower of a religion whose founder clearly states that homosexuality is a form of sexual deviance and that society will not survive unless gays are removed from it. In addition, you have accompanied her to public events that are specifically meant to promote Scientology's viewpoint.

Do you:

A) State publicly that Milos's beliefs and your romance have no relevance to your job?

B) Dump Milos, plead for public forgiveness, and demand that the city spend $20 million or so to build a statue of a giant penis and vagina for the intersection of Castro and Market?

C) Use the fact that a few thousand worthless marriage licenses purchased you the right to commit anything short of (and possibly including) mass murder in San Francisco without outrage from the gay community?

Feel free to add additional answers in comment.

Hat tips to V the K and Rick Ross!