Monday, November 24, 2008

Maintaining Your Healthy Level of Insanity

Not that this is a problem for most of my readers, but for those of you who are new, here's a foolproof set of instructions on how to make people think that you're more than a bit crazy.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down

2. Page yourself over the intercom

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask, "Would you like fries with that?"

4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks; once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch it out for espresso.

5. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Marijuana".

6. Skip down the hall instead of walking and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a "diet water" when you go out to eat.

8. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

9. Sing along at the opera.

10. Tell your friends that you can't attend their party because you have a headache -- five days in advance.

11. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I WON!"

12. When leaving the zoo, start running for your car yelling, "They're loose! They're loose!"

13. Tell your family over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go".

Last, but certainly not least:

14. At the pharmacy, pick up a box of condoms, go to the counter, and ask them for the key to the fitting room.

All in all, though, should I be concerned that my father sent me this?

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