On the lighter side, there were several beautiful moments at the 2005 Dallas - Fort Worth Black Tie Dinner that are DEFINITELY worth mentioning.
-- Dallas County's history-making Sheriff, the bright and talented Lupe Valdez, who I am proud to have worked to help elect, introducing the equally-bright and talented Mayor of Dallas Laura Miller, whose raucous speech afterwards skewering everyone from Amendment 2 supporters to openly-gay Dallas City Council member Ed Oakley ("I think I can say here that he sure had his panties in a wad this week") proved again why she is my favorite socialist Democrat -- and a woman who I'll go to bat for any day of the week, because she sure as hell will for me.
-- Lily Tomlin's hilarious send-up of her classic Ernestine the Telephone Operator routine with Gore Vidal, substituting Tom DeLay:
Mr. DeLay, this is the Dallas chapter of the Human Rights Campaign. When may we expect a contribution from you? É Pardon? When what freezes over? I don't see why you're kicking up such a ruckus when according to our files your present bank balance, plus stocks, securities, and other holdings, amounts to exactly ... Pardon? Privileged information? Oh! (snort, snort) Mr. DeLay, that's so cute! Haven't you read the Patriot Act?
Beautiful, just beautiful.
-- The lovely, talented, and passionate Sharon Stone -- as auctioneer. When the first two items in the Luxury Auction -- the Natuzzi leather sectional sofa that would make The Malcontent jealous and the Eiseman Cartier gift certificate sold at or below retail price, Ms. Stone stepped in to get things moving -- and every item thereafter sold for almost twice its listed retail price (the puppies -- yes, there ended up being two of them -- went for $12,000 each). She even auctioned off the shoes she was wearing -- the aforementioned Manolo Blahnik size-8 rhinestone sandals -- after a hilarious story about Henri, the shoe salesperson at Neiman Marcus whom she refers to as her "crack dealer" -- for $8,000.
To Ms. Stone also goes the award for best one-liner of the night, generated when she was asked, after promising she would pose on the Harley that was up for auction, if she would kiss the buyer as well:
"Why not? I kissed the last person (licks lips lasciviously) who put some thunder between my thighs."
I am STILL laughing.