Sunday, July 15, 2007

Much Ado About Worse Than Nothing

Having recovered from what shall be known as the Noe Valley Hemorrhagic Red-Nosed Dizzy Death virus, it seemed about time to comment on the Human Rights Campaign's circle jerk masturbation session debate candidate forum. For the back story, please refer to The Malcontent's excellent summary and blog roundup.

With that in mind, here are a few truisms.

1. The Republican candidates are not coming -- nor should they.

"Why" should be patently obvious to anyone who saw a) saw HRC's advertisements for the 2004 Presidential campaign , b) has ever heard Melissa Etheridge or Joe Solmonese, who cannot finish a paragraph without bashing Republicans, or c) noticed HRC's own admittance that their primary goal is "to become a steady source of funds and grass-roots support for Democrats -- more akin to a labor union than a single-issue activist group".

The Swift Boat Veterans should not be surprised when John Kerry turns down an invitation to their Veteran's Day picnic; neither should HRC be surprised that Republicans view them like pimples on prom night.

2. The event is fifteen months prior to the elections.

As our mothers used to advise us, when you are invited to someone else's house for supper, it is polite to clean your plate. Rather than offending your hostess by refusing to touch her liver-flavored Brussels Sprouts Surprise, eat it first and get it over with; your hostess will be happy, and you can enjoy the rest of the meal with a clear conscience, knowing that you can refuse seconds without offending her.

The same theory applies here. The candidates are showing up to eat their broccoli, as it were, knowing full well that they can say anything they want from this point forward and the "LGBT community" will still be happy.

But it has to be quick or they'll be late for their 700 Club appearance.

3. There was a reason the "little people" weren't invited.

Mommie and Daddy didn't want it

Now that HRC has apparently reversed itself and decided to allow even those with less chance than Krusty the Clown of being nominated, let alone elected, to come to its circle jerk masturbation session debate candidate forum, this makes only one thing certain: there will be more softballs thrown at this event than at a lesbian picnic. HRC has never been accused of intelligence in managing media, but even they are not stupid enough to let nutballs who would let people marry cows if they thought it would get minorities to support their campaigns have any chance to upstage those who have been chosen by the DNC for HRC to endorse -- and for gays to unquestioningly support.

That, and if they did, Mommie would get really angry with Joey and Mel.

4. The final nail will be driven in the coffin of HRC's relevance.

People, we're talking about an organization whose leaders endorse and support FMA supporters and who drop tens of millions of dollars on candidates who push state constitutional amendments that it allegedly opposes. They have already stated their only use for gay issues is as a means to channel funds and support to Democrats. They insist that we squander time and effort on things like abortion, opposing Social Security reform, raising taxes, antiwar protests, bashing the religious, and innumerable other things which are not only beyond the ability of even the worst cosmopolitan-and magic-mushroom trip to link to "gay rights", but on which gays can and do legitimately hold multiple positions.

With this circle jerk masturbation session debate candidate forum, one thing will be made clear; HRC is a Democrat political action committee, and that of the most loony-left kind.

And thus, since they claim to represent all gays, we will inextricably be linked with the loony left.

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